I wonder if I have had enough yet. I wonder if the course of things will ever really change. I wonder if the idiocy and ignorance even in our own ranks will ever cease. I wonder if I even want to call myself a "Wiccan" anymore.

Online, off-line, and all the time I seem to consistently run across some pretty ridiculous claims about what Wicca is and isn't. When I saw the Frederic Lamond had written his wonderful book "Fifty Years of Wicca" I actually expected more people would be increasingly enlightened and decrease the "junk" they spew. That hasn't been the case so far.

Sadly, the reviews and claims of what his book actually says seem more to be attempts to make Lamond into Gardner himself. People are ignoring the fact that he was in fact an initiate, a later initiate, of Gardner's, and NOT Gardner himself! Most of his "recommendations" are and have been part and parcel to almost every Gardnerian Circle I have ever been attendant to, which only validates for me what those initiates had discovered, but little more.

Throw on top of this, decades of defending, and trying to explain clearly "what we are and what we do" in the face of harsher real-world encounters with ignorance - even among Wiccans - only to be ousted as too narrow-minded, or trying to force "my version" of Wicca on others. Maybe I am just getting to old and tired for this type of conflict. I dunno, but I can say I sincerely question my own position now, and I suspect it won't just drizzle away. I have a lot of thinking to do.

I wrote a commentary to review in a newsgroup regarding Lamond's book, only to be chided for challenging someone who had been practicing for a couple decades more than myself. I was hurt. I was offended. I was utterly amazed that such deep seated idiocy could prevail. Because I did not come in raving and hyping Frederic I was flamed out of the group. Hmmmm. However, one of my antagonists posed an excellent question... If I do not "like" what people claim about my religion, or claim are "facts" about my religion, EVEN if I know better, why would I bother to call myself a Wiccan at all? Why not just "go away and let us (them) believe what they want"? After all, "it's not hurting anyone".

Too right.

Maybe it is time that I simply walk away. Who wants to have the facts straight anyway? And as for Lamond, his book is excellent and I would highly recommend it, but he is NOT Gardner, and while his accounts are insightful, it lacks exposition of certain facts that we know to be true, never mentions them, and I can only suspect because Frederic wasn't aware of them either. Maybe only because he cam later in the game. Point to remember; Gardner's fabrications and fact had already been in place for some time before Lamond arrived, and Gardner was very much into his "role". Forget it. Anyhow...

Maybe my own experiences and understanding, research, study, and observance have lead me too far from the flock? Maybe I looked too deeply, too intensely, and too long. Maybe I just connected too many dots and considered too many truths about our origin and nature. Maybe they just prefer the fantasy over the fact? I suppose in a lot of ways I am heartbroken. Maybe it is time to let go. After all, I "don't have to be one of" them, and "nobody asked" me.

Maybe it will be a relief to not feel obligated to defend or nurture our ideals.. I mean 'their ideals' when they are an issue of scrutiny or scandal. Maybe it will be a good thing to lay the dog down and walk away. At least then I wouldn't worry what comes of the teen who is exposed to the crap first, or the phony who is just looking for an ego stroke or to fleece the naive, or to enrich another Wiccan's experience, deepen understanding, and put a face on our Craft that can be respected... NO demands respect. Yes. I think I am tired. I think it is time I walk away.

After all, Wicca doesn't need teachers or standards, it can operate and flourish just fine through Llewellyn, and whatever self-proclaimed hereditary high priest/ess happens to be offering 101 classes next fall. It is in good hands.



I will think about this.

Blessed Be.

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